Complete Surrender….

“My heart aches for that which I have not touched today.

My soul is guiding me, but I cannot hear the words it is saying.

I am clouded in this longing for love within myself, but it is You I crave.

As we meet, I hunger for the Intimacy I have shared.

My chest lay open and my heart revealed, as I give completely to this love.

I taste you, I touch you, and now I have seen you.

I cry in ecstasy as I surrender into you.

Then I realise that, in this moment,

I have been loved by God.”

Moments of Grace – M Cooper

To love and to be loved is the one common thread that links us all together.  The question I ask is how do you choose to be loved?  If you are connected with that special person, can they really love you the way your soul truly wants to be loved? More often than not the answer to these questions for most is they do not know how they would choose to be loved, because they simply want someone to lovingly accept them for who they are. 

Given that the relationships we share are the opportunity for us to grow more intimately within, they also provide us with some of our greatest struggles.  And the most common struggle is that in the desire for someone to love us unconditionally, we have to unconditionally love ourselves.

Intimacy gives to us the gift of vulnerability.  It is an opportunity to open your hearts and invite your partner into a sacred space you can both share.  This can bring to the surface all your internal fears around self worth. Then we start to ask ourselves the questions that relate to am I worthy enough, but instead of answering them honestly, we shelve this belief in our body, mind and create a story that will justify how we feel. 

It is a natural reaction to unconsciously project these fears onto the intimate relationships we share, but if we understand that our basic primal need is to be loved and to love there are very simply ways to connect with this part of our true selves.  In every relationship we share, be it intimate, professional or family, we have physical attributes to love that must be communicated and we emotional attributes that need to be honoured.    The physical attributes to any relationship when communicated effectively will help you both stay connected and feel loved by your partner, which naturally opens your heart to being intimate with each other.  The emotional attributes need to be honoured in the relationship to sustain communication, validation and listening. 

Firstly, you must understand yourself.  It is imperative to have a great relationship with yourself before you share that with another.  Yes I know awfully cliché, but oh so true.  The intimacy you grave in any relationship is your soul trying to communicate with you to look within.

Your partner will reflect this need to connect to your intimate self, by showing you the areas in the relationship that are not meeting your internal needs.  When this happens it is time to be still and reflect on the initial question – How, do I choose to be LOVED?  Because ultimately how you choose to be loved is a reflection of how you are, currently loving yourself.

There are seven attitudes of love you must first look at in order to align and balance the relationship you have with yourself, and these will help you understand the dynamics you create in any relationship you share.

The Caring Attitude, which has the physical attributes of willpower, strength and insight which can keep you grounded in the relationship.  The emotional attributes to the Caring Attitude evolve around your core beliefs and conditioning, you have a heartfelt concern for others needs, validating their worth and often forgetting your own, putting others needs before yours.

The Trust Attitude, has the physical attributes of fertility, life, passion and creativity which can supercharge us and help us feel sexy.  The emotional attributes to the Trust Attitude  enables a person to see the positive qualities of another and opens them to give of themselves with honesty, integrity and sincerity, even when that trust may have been broken.

The Acceptance Attitude, has the physical attributes of self discovery and breaking free of destructive cycles so you take charge of your life.  The emotional attributes to the Acceptance Attitude are those of validation and a willingness to receive, it does not reject but affirms that another person is worthy enough of your love even if you don’t have a great love of self.

The Love Attitude, has the physical attributes of partnerships and the need to love and be loved, with a balance of giving and receiving.  The emotional attributes to the Love Attributes you have a belief of connecting and sharing, a joining of coming together without judgement or evaluation. There are no conditions or expectations on another fulfil within us what we cannot give to ourselves.

The Respect Attitude, has the physical attributes of courage, independence and resourcefulness.  The emotional attributes to the Respect Attitude are based around communication, personal expression, choice and personal freedom.  Acknowledging your own rights, wishes, choices and wants and accepting those within another, not out of fear but through worth.

The Understanding Attitude, The physical attributes are utilising your skills to cultivate your trust in your own intelligence, so you can open the doors to a successful relationship.  The emotional attribute to the Understanding Attitude is a knowing through feeling as you do not presume, you gather information through meaning which empowers you emotionally so you can validate what is being communicated, for yourself and your partner.

The Appreciation Attitude, has the physical attributes of letting go with confidence.  And an emotional belief of gratitude for all things and in all things you acknowledge the gift (lesson).

So to summarise the seven attitudes:  Always have a caring attitude towards yourself because when you care about you so will your partner.   Trust that you are worthy enough for your partner and that they are worthy enough for you.  Always accept yourself because then you will be truly accepting of your partner.  Love yourself the way you expect your partner to love you.  Respect yourself first, and your partner will have no reason to treat you otherwise.  Understand that your needs are just as important as your partners and when you can both truly be of service to the relationship you realise everyday becomes one of giving rather than taking.  Appreciate yourself for who you are including your partner for even in frustrating times they are simply showing you the love you show them.

After all, in any relationship, you want your partner to see you with open eyes and a loving heart, so when you embrace all of your imperfections, you give your partner the opportunity to accept you unconditionally, and intimately engage in love with you, so you are being appreciated for the person you are, not what you think you should be.  That is when you can both share your sacred space together and look deeply into each other’s eyes and say I SEE YOU, ALL OF YOU AND I KNOW YOU SEE ME.

It can be difficult to imagine amongst the excitement of the wedding preparations that you might be a little nervous about marriage. Whilst your pending marriage and planning for your wedding are all equally important, the foundations you lay for your marriage should be built with strong intentions and a collaboration of shared goals so you journey down the same road together.  What will make your marriage successful and long lasting? What are the key ingredients that keep a marriage cooking long after the lights would appear to go out?

Every relationship has characteristics and qualities that enable couples to enjoy the good time and embrace the adversities you will face together in life. A willingness to create balance whilst remaining open to change are some of the key elements to having a successful marriage.

It is important to understand that every relationship will have challenges, but how are you going to respond to those challenges should they arise? It is not about playing the blame game, but working together toward the end result. Understanding the love you both share is imperative.  Have you ever reflected on your capacity to love and the depth to which you love your partner? Where would you be without your partner in your life? These can be tough questions, but very effective for you to establish the depth of your love.

From the moment we come into this world, we have relied on others to love and accept us unconditionally.  This kind of love is what we continue to seek as we grow through our lives.  It is ironic isn’t it, that this simple need in us all can give us such wonderful moments of bliss, yet can create an emotional roller-coaster when our expectations we place on our partners and ourselves are not been met.

It is these expectations we have of others, to fulfil our own need for love, that turn our fantasy of what we want to believe, into the reality of what actually is….Our own lack of self love and the little or no self worth we have for our own uniqueness, which creates the emotional waves of disappointment in most relationships.

Understanding that we are not perfect, you’re not perfect, and your partner is not perfect. Your partner is there to assist you in finding your own pathway in life and you achieve this when you look deep within and connect with yourself.

When we truly connect with another, we can become one with each other and work in harmony, lovingly supporting ourselves and our partner, your hearts open in awareness together and all the little imperfections that we are presented with give us the opportunity to awaken ourselves to the incredible people that we are.

Love should not be based upon need, as need breeds insecurities and these create conflict and breakdowns in communication.

It is important that you learn how to speak with one another and listen, validation for your partner and yourself within the relationship keeps the doors open to intimacy.

Intimacy is the cornerstone for any marriage.  It is more than sex, it is the sacred place you create to give of yourself physically and emotionally.

Your relationship needs to become a priority in your life. Equal amounts of energy have to go into making it happen. Just as you tend work,  family, friends or the day to day responsibilities of life, quality time spent together is the key ingredient for a lasting relationship.

Here are some of my favourite tips for keeping it cooking.

1. Take a few moments everyday to acknowledge and validate your partner. A compliment goes a long way.
2. Romantic foreplay, flirt with your partner via text messages, email or phone.
3. At least once a week honour your partner by doing something special for them. Remembering this special time is for giving the gift of love without wanting anything in return.
4. Every night take the time to embrace each other. We all need to be touched and it will keep you connected.

Being intimate is more than just in the bedroom. True intimacy is in the little things you do for each other that create memorable moments that will last a lifetime.

Stay spontaneous, be of service to your relationship and remain open to giving and receiving love. Once you have created healthy habits in your relationship your partner will be the love of your life, you have always desired.

Our belief systems have been instilled within us from a very young age and it doesn’t matter what you choose to belief, whether it is a particular denomination, Buddhism, Hinduism, Gnostic, New Age or Atheist, it is important to accept that you may have different views around spirituality and life, how you choose to impart your beliefs will be the key to how it affects your relationship, so be mindful that you may not believe in the same things and that it is okay to think and feel differently and your partner does not have to take your view, it is a personal choice, not a choice reflected on how they feel about you.

Love is the fuel that keeps the world turning and in the end none of our accomplishments will mean as much if they are not created from love.  Choose to create a marriage based on empowering one another.  Give and receive openly and remember to celebrate the love you both share daily.  Conceive it, believe it, and you will achieve it.

The richness of life that we seek is the true manifestation of our hearts deepest desires. We are surrounded by magnificence, the lavishness, wealth, affluence and yet we elude ourselves to believe that there is a part of us that does not deserve to have that which we want.  The senses of life, which we use everyday without really being present are an important part of our innate sexual energy that when used can assist us in creating and manifesting all the richness that surrounds us.

Sexual energy is the core of creation, I believe it to be our epee center of life and when tapped into is our powerhouse to create.  Too often this energy is withheld in the body laying stagnant, through our beliefs, fears and perceptions that over time we have denied ourselves to feel into our pleasure spot. When we do have the experience of divine pleasure the sensations that move through our body allow us to feel incredible, and for a moment you surrender into your sexual core where anything is possible and your ego is free from all expectation you hold of yourself.

What if you could hold onto your sensual energy, the sexual core of your being everyday and tap into it when and wherever you need too.  Imagine for moment that you were living in that powerhouse creating and manifesting your magnificence. Well you can, you see the world that surrounds you is quite simply what you have created for yourself, ask yourself what do you truly desire for your world? How do you want to feel everyday of your life?

I’m right there with you and it is incredible, the first step is to believe you can have it and it is your birthright to be living in the abundance of life. One of my favourite mantras is “Infinite Spirit open the way to great abundance for me, as I am an irresistible magnet for all that belongs to me by divine right” by Florence Scovel Shinn – The Game of Life.  I use this everyday and I embrace the magic that engages my world and what I truly desire for myself.  I tap into my senses and embrace the beauty that is before me and always remember that everything I see, feel, taste, touch and hear is aligning my sexual energy, and if I can already feel into the presence of my sensuality through my senses then I have already created it.

All the wealth, richness, opulence of life is before you, are you ready to receive what is yours?  The life you live is incredible and at any moment it can change.  How will you embrace your magnificence?

I know that you are brilliant and it is time to create your brilliant life.

My personal journey led me to a point of change and instead of living as a victim to my circumstance I asked myself the question.  If I achieved what I truly desired for myself today, who would I be? I would be brilliant, but the best part is, that I would be me.

Let’s face it there’s is no place I would rather be.

Black Rose Magazine April 2010

There is a woman that stands before you; this woman believes it is a blessing to be a woman – whole and at peace within herself. Honouring her experiences, she tells her stories taking responsibility for who she is and what she stands for.  A woman, who acknowledges the past, lives in the moment and who is excited about her future.

This woman is in love with her body and believes she is worthy enough. She celebrates her shape and accepts her body as an exquisite resource for the mind and soul.

This is a woman who embraces her sexuality, exploring her erotic sensitivities and rhythms, moving with the ebb and flow of pleasuring herself. She knows she is divine and is the reflection of all she creates, designing her own spirituality. A woman who is the author of her own life, knowing each moment is a true manifestation of her desires; a woman who chooses friends and lovers that respect her.

A woman that as a child, daughter, sister, lover, partner, wife and mother, knows that the true essence of who she is moves deeply within the core of her beliefs. This woman is an incredible, uniquely talented woman, with something very special to give “HERSELF”. This woman is YOU!

As women we are a:

Divine, Incredible, Vivacious, Artistic, Loveable, Inspiring, Sensitive, Humble, Open, Unique, Sensual

It is time to tap into your DIVA SENSUAL SOURCE and put the sexy back into your life. Every woman is gifted with this knowledge but, like most energies, we have to give birth to it and allow the energy to move with us. As we grow and mature, through all of our life experiences, you evolve with more confidence, wanting to live with more purpose, so you can be your authentic self, knowing that those choices you have made in the past do not define who you are, they encourage you to be the best you can be for yourself and your family.

We don’t loose our sexiness, our sensual selves or our confidence. We give it away!  In our day to day lives as women, we wear a multitude of hats and the roles we play strip us of our very core, because we are naturally and universally nurturers, teachers and lovers of the world, giving without question, until the very energy you draw from depletes.

We disconnect from ourselves and we become empty and void of love.  It does not matter where you have come from or what you have experienced.  All that needs to concern you is where you are right now and what you are going to do to honour your dreams, desires and passions so you can start to believe in yourself.

The greatest gift you can give to all the incredible women that share your life is allow them to witness you accepting yourself and loving who you are. In loving yourself you become a representation to all women of what can be achieved when you make the decision to live the life you desire – where you accept that there is no other option than to live a brilliant life and where honouring the orgasmic women within is the only belief you need.

Black Rose Magazine – February 2010

Melissa Cooper – Intimacy, Relationship & Sex Coach

The Art Of Intimacy

0404-016969

www.melcooper.com.au

Let’s look at a relationship breakdown. Most breakdowns occur because one partner feels that their needs are not been met, so they seek this out in other areas of their life, affairs, gambling, drinking etc and the separation in the relationship begins to unfold. The interesting part of this is, the emotions each partner has being feeling started before all of this began manifesting into reality, but they never communicated this, so resentment, guilt, anger and blame start to fuel, opening the door for separation even wider, until it is too late and the relationship has ended. In other areas of relationship breakdowns, you come face to face with your partner just not being in-love with you, and their desire to connect with another person begins to create separation, again fuelling emotions that play a large part in our reactions to the situation.

What makes these experiences more devastating is when children are involved in a relationship breakdown and then the parents/partners feel that as they have lost control of the relationship, they can manipulate response through the children. As much as we would like the father or the mother of the child to be someone different when going through a separation, it is not going to change and regardless of what your partner may or may not have done to you, you have to accept who they are and who they represent to the child. In some cases this is not possible but for most relationship breakdowns, when we stop trying to control how another should feel, think or act, then we naturally respond to the separation instead of reacting to it.

When you stop trying to make your partner suffer, then you will stop the suffering within yourself.

Try this little exercise; next time you have to communicate with your partner, just for a moment think about your approach, and then place yourself in your partner’s shoes and say, if he or she approached me in the same way I am about to approach this situation, how would I respond. Then if you feel that you are going to become defensive to the communication, you need to change the delivery. We complain that our partner does not listen, or understand how we feel, but you must first listen to yourself and understand what you are truly feeling before your partner can. When you stop being a victim to your own emotions, then you’ll stop trying to take advantage of how your partner should and shouldn’t feel.

Communicating how you feel is a key to coming face to face with the places that scare you in any relationship breakdown, and if you feel that this is not something you can effectively do on your own, then seek professional assistance to help mediate the relationship back to a harmonious balance.

One of the most important aspects of healing in any separation is to look at the lessons you need to learn, and the part you played in creating it in the first place.

Creating a passionate marriage with purpose….

“Passion lights the fire in our souls, just being in the presence of your partner and you feel suddenly happy, being together and you feel ecstatic. Your partner fulfils something deep within, your heart starts to sing and you fall into harmony, knowing that somebody, somehow completes you.”

Finding opportunities within your relationship to express the love you share gives you a blank canvas to create the passionate marriage you desire.

You are not born knowing how to have intimate relations, you must learn, just as a painter learns to create a masterpiece, with time, patience and practice, you can master your marriage and keep the embers burning brightly and hot monogamy well and truly alive in the bedroom with a few simple tips.

Creating time to share intimate moments together where you can communicate your needs is imperative to establishing and maintaining passion. Take the time to learn about each others needs, listen to how your partner is expressing themselves and most importantly make a habit of giving and receiving to each other, especially in the bedroom. Communication will unlock the door to having an open and honest relationship that ultimately builds trust so you can surrender into love-making, which creates passion long after the lights go out.

Women love directly from the heart and men love physically, so guys a little note to remember when you want to make love, foreplay is imperative to the process, take your time to explore her body, pleasuring her is of the utmost importance so she completely relaxes into you, compliment her, reassure her and validate her and allow her the grace to open like a flower in full bloom giving of her body and honouring you by receiving your love.

Girls, remember that your man is a loving, caring and considerate partner who wants to express how much he desires you how much he loves you, and how important you are to him. Verbally expressing this may be a little difficult at times so his natural basic instinct is to express his love physically. As he responds to your emotional and physical needs, validate his worth as the man you love, and adore with a cuddle, a kiss or some cheeky foreplay.

Honour each other, give to each other without expectation for something in return, this is loving unconditionally, and always be grateful for the wonderful person that shares your life.

A basic human need is to be touched, another is expression, make them a priority in your marriage, give it purpose and you will always have passion. Laying the foundation for intimacy is like gardening…..Tend to the soil, plant the seeds, feed, water and nurture so you can truly enjoy your garden of Eden that you both can share.

WHITE MAGAZINE – MAY 2009

I always get asked the question, when will I find my soul mate? We place so much emphasis on finding the perfect partner, that when we finally do, we realise that they are not so perfect after all. Is that because they reflect back to us, our own imperfections, or have we placed conditions on the relationship, whilst we still long for unconditional love?

From the moment we come into this world, we have relied on others to love and accept us unconditionally. This kind of love is what we continue to seek as we grow through our lives. It is ironic isn’t it, that this simple need in us all can give us such wonderful moments of bliss, yet can create an emotional roller-coaster when our expectations we place on our partners and ourselves are not been met.

It is these expectations we have of others, to fulfil our own need for love, that turn our fantasy of what we want to believe, into the reality of what actually is….Our own lack of self love and the little or no self worth we have for our own uniqueness, which creates the emotional waves of disappointment in most relationships.

Whatever it is, there is some part in us all that is still looking for a perfect partner. Every relationship we share with another is connecting with your sol mate at that time in your life. Or maybe we still want the fairytale ending and to be swept off our feet from our very own prince or princess? But all that means is that we have just found another label for our perfect mate.

I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, and your partner is not perfect, so stop arguing with what is not perfect in your relationship and allow it to be what it needs to be and lovingly is.

Your partner is there to assist you in finding your own pathway to spiritual bliss and you achieve this when you look deep within and connect with your soul forming a wonderful mateship with him or her.

When we truly connect with another, we can become one with each other and work in harmony, lovingly supporting ourselves and our beloved on their journey, our hearts open in awareness together and all the little imperfections that we are presented with give us the opportunity to awaken ourselves to the incredible people that we are.

That is when you realise that you have a beautiful relationship with your soul and that you can lovingly give without condition to your mate.

Heart and Soul Central Coast – Summer Edition 2008

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